A Letter to My Husband

"Many waters cannot quench love, 
neither can floods drown it."
- Song of Songs 8:7

Ten years ago today I met my best friend and hero - the greatest man I've ever known. Nate, knowing, loving, and losing you has forever changed and shaped me. There are countless ways you've impacted me for good, but today I want to thank you for showing me the love of Jesus. It has been a long, bitter, tear-filled journey to relearn and accept His love for me. I will be perfectly honest: when God took you home I was furious that He would let me taste that kind of love and then take it away. His promises to care for the orphan and widow incited rage, not comfort. I didn't want a stand-in husband and father; I wanted YOU. One day I begged God for just one more conversation with you to tide me over until we were together again. In that moment God spoke to me so clearly. He said, "If Nathan could give you one thing right now he wouldn't give you himself. He'd give you Jesus."

"Lord," I responded, "help me to want that. Let Jesus be enough." 

Days later I had the most vivid dream of my life. In my dream I was with Jesus, and He loved me so much. He wanted me - me! - to be His bride. I will never forget the way His love made  me feel: complete, and whole, and infinitely valuable. Nothing I could do added to or detracted from His love; it was as boundless and constant as the sea. I woke from my dream and realized that if I just had that love I would never need anything ever again. And Nate, what struck me the most about Jesus was that He loved me like you did. And what I am most thankful for about our years together is that with you I had a taste of Christ's passionate love for His bride. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for showering love upon me in the best and the worst of times. For never giving a harsh word or a cold shoulder. For bearing, believing, and hoping always. 

Today, a day that we should be celebrating ten years together, my arms physically ache to hold you. And yet I have hope, because stronger and more real than the grave is Life Everlasting. We did long-distance for years in college, and we're doing it now. Every day I feel your love and support as I run my race. I can't wait to make it to the finish line. I can't wait to hug you again, but I know that when we're finally reunited you will take my hand and lead me to Jesus. In life and in death, He is all we will ever need, and He will never let us go.